In the past few months, I have extracted value and then some from my Libby account and my county library. The volume of audio books I have inhaled is at a rate of roughly a few per week, turning them on during my workouts, chores, work research, getting the mail, prepping food - literally any time my hands are at work, I’ve had something running.
This book was a brief step away from my goal of listening to every Hercule Poirot book that Agatha Christie wrote, in chronological order. As I still wait for Death on the Nile to become available, this book came up as a possible self-help thirst quencher between murders.
I honestly did not know what I was getting into. I’m not one for reading up on philosophy or psychology usually, as it’s a bit dry for my tastes. Attending therapy and actively applying concepts is more my style. This was a different type of book altogether even from that expectation.
A dialogue between philosopher/old man and student/young man begins with obligatory smugness, and ends with almost too-perfect acceptance. I think the back and forth was interesting, but perhaps contrived for what I felt they were going for. Given that the reader is meant to relate to the student - often impulsive and wavering - I felt that perhaps I’m a touch too old to really connect with that viewpoint. More likely, I’ve experienced enough that I had my lightbulb moments throughout listening while the youth was kicking up a new argument, and that experience felt incongruous to me. I do think that younger folks will probably be less annoyed by some of the rebuttals of the student, but I’m not sure. I don’t think I relate to someone who is quite so argumentative, perhaps.
The phrase “Adlerian psychology” reverberates in my mind, as the term was stated relentlessly throughout the text, over and over reiterating what we were focused on. However, I will say that a few useful terms did come up that do resonate for me as valuable takeaways:
- Horizontal relationships, where others of any age or standing are considered equal but different. To engage these kinds of relationships, it’s important to not belittle or talk down to anyone, either through rebuking (you can do better!) or overly encourage (you did a good job, kiddo!), but instead through showing appreciation in the value of what others do (ie. thank you for your help).
- The present is all that we have, and consequently all that matters. There’s a tricky phrasing of saying that “trauma doesn’t exist”, which doesn’t entirely jive for me, but the sentiment that we can choose to change and make the best of where we are right now regardless of the past has value.
- Life tasks are the ways that we engage with others as far as the responsibilities within our bounds. It’s important to identify what psychological aspects are within your control (what you do) versus outside of it (what others think, hence the title).
- So much of change in life is not about possibility, but courage. This is a fascinating one, as it’s not often that I’m thinking actively about fear, but that is a driver for inaction often.
- Life lies are untruths about our world that we get wrapped up in, whether it’s negative self talk or assumptions about how others will perceive us.
I’m overall onboard with methodologies that encourage people to make the best of the present, and that is what the core of this book amounts to. The terms can be confusing and even overwrought, but there are nuggets of wisdom that await when you get past them.